


After the Road was Built

by hottempered242



Series: Paved With Good Intentions Universe [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Not Beta Read, platonic DR LAMP - Freeform, same characters as previous work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:28:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23335375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hottempered242/pseuds/hottempered242
Summary: This will be short stories that happen after Paved with Good Intentions, ideas I had that I couldn't fit into that behemoth of a story, or alternate versions of events in the story.EDIT 5/2/2020: So, Deceit's name is Janus and the new episode (Putting Others First) definitely gave me more questions than answers. I plan on scrubbing Deceit's name to Janus sometime soon, but I feel like the new episode was laying down a plot rather than ending one. So I am not planning on referencing it until the plot is concludedEDIT 5/21/2020: All the Ethans should now be Janus. Please let me know if I missed anything!
Series: Paved With Good Intentions Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678150
Comments: 66
Kudos: 108





	1. FIRST MEETING  if it had been in late 2019

**Author's Note:**

> It is a shame how new Hazbin Hotel is, because being able to use this would have really changed the first impressions of Virgil to the Light Sides!

Virgil has finally made it down to the kitchen for a snack. Looking through the cabinets, he spots peanut butter and bread _. I just need some jelly and I will have a meal_ he thinks as he heads to the fridge. Sure enough, there is some jelly in there _. Score!_ After he makes himself two sandwiches, he heads to the table.

Virgil is so focused on the first food he has had in over twelve hours, that he doesn't hear the noise heading toward him until Morality walks in. Virgil freezes when the happy-looking Side pauses at seeing him before rushing over.

"Oh my gosh, welcome to our place, and you are going to love it here!" is screamed joyously in Virgil's face. Without missing a beat Virgil responds "I lost the ability to love years ago." and takes a sip of his water just as the other Sides walk in.

"You are the Dark Side that is now trying to talk to Thomas? When have you ever had the ability to love? Villains don't love." Creativity states, looking down his nose at Virgil.

"Was it the environment that you were living in previously, or do you think it is a genetic factor?" Logic peers at the new Side inquisitively. Patton just looks like he is going to cry.

 _Huh, guess they don't watch the same cartoons as we do_ Virgil thinks. Though that should have been expected. Whereas Remus has memorized the Hazbin Hotel script and subsequently forced the other Dark Sides to memorize it through osmosis, it makes sense that these Sides would have repressed Thomas watching it.

 _This is going to be a long day…_ Virgil sighs.


	2. Good Intenions Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton walks in on the Dark Sides playing a game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my notes in the Paves with Good Intentions, I mention having another inside joke I wanted to add for the DWIT episode. Since it didn't make it in, I changed it to occur after the end of the story.

Patton enters the kitchen to already find the Dark Sides up and making breakfast. Well, Janus is making breakfast - _looks like pancakes, yum!_ \- while Virgil and Remus are sitting at the kitchen table looking at Janus.

"Knife and a baby" Janus calmly says. Patton stops walking, wondering what that is about- "You are cooking for the baby!" Virgil exclaims. Patton swings around to stare at Virgil, in time to hear Remus.

"You are defending the baby from kidnappers!" Remus fires back.

Virgil pauses, looking nervous, before triumphantly stating "You are using the knife as a mirror for the baby!" Remus retorts with "You are juggling the knife and baby."

"What? I want a review!" Virgil complains.

"No Remus you can't juggle a knife and a baby. Point to Virgil." Virgil cheers and Remus groans.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!?" Patton finally finds his voice.

"Hey Padre, what is with all the racket?" Roman sleepily complains, entering the kitchen.

"I don't know? Something about a knife and a baby, cooking and defending and mirrors, but JUGGLING is wrong-" Patton stammers. Roman startes at Patton, then slowly turns towards the others. "Please tell me there is NOT a baby with a knife in here."

Janus snorts. "OF COURSE there is. We AREN'T just playing a game."

"Yeah, it is only a game Patton." Virgil tries to sooth the freaked out Side.

"Game? What type of game?" Roman is now much more interested.

"The good intention game!" Remus replies. "Janus creates a scenario - normally just naming two things - and we have to guess a GOOD thing you could be doing with them. First one who can't loses. Janus is the final judge on if it is a good thing or not."

"This was NOT a way to get them to stop saying paranoid and disturbing thoughts on their bad days." Janus smugly interjects. "Did NOT work like a charm."

"So the last round was knife and baby? And cooking, defending, and something to do with a mirror are good guesses, but juggling was not?" Roman tires to interpret Patton's outburst from before.

"Using the knife as a mirror" Virgil informs proudly.

"That sounds easy! Can I play?" Roman asks.

"Well if it is good things then I want to play too!" Patton recovers with the explanation enough to want to join. _This is pretty sweet of them-_

"No, no, no that would be too easy for you guys. The point is it is supposed to be hard to guess!" Remus complains.

"Yeah, I don't want to be swept by you two. How about you can play if you have to name BAD intentions?" Virgil slyly offers.

Patton recoils, obviously out. However Roman still looks excited. "I'm in!"

Janus smirks from the stove and says "Poisoned Candy and a Kid." Roman, ready to win this new game, shouts "Poison the kid!" Patton seems to freeze, obviously not liking that thought. Roman feels a little bad for that. _But there is no way I am going to lose against those two!_

"Good one!" Virgil compliments "So I will go with taking the poisoned candy away from the kid."

They look at Remus who replies "Finding the kid's abusive parent and making them eat the candy." Roman starts with a "I don't think that is good..." and Virgil jumps in. "Review!"

Janus thinks about it and judges "Vigilantism can be a good thing; like Batman. That can stay." Remus cheers.

"Then give the candy to the kid to poison an innocent friend!" If Remus gets points, then Roman can flip it around and get points as well. He smiles, looking at Virgil. After a few seconds of silence Virgil gives up "I got nothing. Remus?"

"Showing the kid how to identify poisoned candy." Remus replies.

"So point to me and Remus this round?" Roman asks "Yeah, and bro, you are so going down!" Remus taunts.

Janus and Virgil laugh as Roman and Remus trade a insults. Patton has given up trying to figure out how to feel about this game and goes to set the table, feeling lost.

And that is how Logan entered the kitchen to Roman yelling about "smothering the puppy with the pillow is a classic" to Remus who is arguing that "Carrying the puppy around on the pillow throne is better; you gotta treat that bitch right!", Virgil arguing with Janus about "Beating people back from my puppy with a pillow is a good thing! The puppy is shy and the pillow won't really hurt them!" with Janus firmly disagreeing, and Patton looking to be in a state of shock watching and slowly eating his breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would have really highlighted the emphasis that was in Remus's "I didn't make him THROW the baby" comment in DWIT.
> 
> I couldn't figure out if Logan would blue-screen or just calmly go grab some crofters... Any ideas?


	3. "Better than TV" or "Roman and Janus are Dramatic as Hell"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Roman have their own way of discussing issues

Virgil enters the common room, heading to the kitchen for a snack, when Remus's voice floats over from the couch. "You are going to want this if you go in there."

Virgil looks to see what the chaotic Side is offering, and raises his eyebrows at the large bowl of popcorn in his hand. "What flavor?"

"Hot, like' you are going to lose taste in your mouth after a few handfuls' hot." Virgil shrugs and takes the proffered bowl. _Better to lose taste than have an awful taste for hours. And I like hot, so win-win!_

He hears two Sides talking in the kitchen, and the reason for the popcorn becomes clear. _Ah, Hell yes!_ "Quick, did I miss anything?" he asks Remus, who snorts.

"Fuck yeah you did! Roman was yelling for the last ten minutes about betrayal and Janus was laughing. Best guess, Hissy was either a spy or turned traitor and helped out Janus."

"Hah, called it! You owe me five bucks!" Virgil yells at Remus as he quickly makes his way to the doorway of the kitchen. There, he stops and eats a handful of popcorn, taking in the scene.

Roman is standing in a dramatic but aggressive pose, pointing a finger at Janus who is sitting at the table petting the quietly hissing possum in his lap with one hand. In front of the sitting Side is Logan's Crofters jam, close to the edge of the table. Janus's free hand is touching the jar top as he maniacally laughs.

"-and with Hissy's help, I am now in possession of Logan's Crofters. You are a fool, Roman."

"That jam is not yours, foul villain! Use whatever decency you have left to free the poor jar. It has done nothing to you!"

"You mean this jar?" Janus taps the jar closer to the edge, causing a dramatic gasp from Roman. "I am afraid you are mistaken. The jar has done something. It has annoyed me by existing!"

 _Is Janus still mad about the Crofter's musical thing?_ Virgil thinks while shoving another handful of popcorn in his mouth. Remus did not lie about the flavor, but luckily he was getting close to the numb stage. Another hand reaches into the bowl, and he glances over to see Remus had joined him watching the showdown.

"Is there anything that does not annoy you by existing? Why must you take things that are not yours?" Roman wails-slash-roars.

"It's the principle of the thing, Roman. Labels of all kinds are merely around for one group to take advantage of another. It is a flaw in this society that you are perpetuating, and I refuse to contribute to this brainwashing!" Janus dramatically yells back, causing Hissy to give a loud hiss at the end. The timing was perfect to punctuate his sentence. _Oh, it's the labels this time. And possibly a little of the musical, since he could have chosen a different target..._

Patton had come to stand by Virgil at the start of the speech, obviously drawn by the noise. He tries to reach in for a handful of popcorn, but Virgil moves it out of the way, nudging Remus. The chaotic Sides glances over, notices Patton, conjures a bowl with what looks like cheese covered popcorn, and hands it over the beaming Side. At this point, Roman and Janus must know that they are here. But it is clear that they are not going to let that stop them. Not that the Virgil, Remus, or Patton are even trying to do that. _It's just getting good!_

"As for something that does not annoy me? Well that is NOT watching you have to explain to Logan where his jam has gone!" Janus lets out a maniacal laugh, with Roman wailing "Noo!" and falling to his knees.

When Roman uses getting up off the floor to take a step towards the table to try to grab the jam, Janus pokes it a little more, causing it to teeter on the edge. Virgil, Remus, and Patton all gasp along with Roman. "Now, now Roman. Thinking you can grab it from me without me realizing it? You have two choices in front of you; either move out of my way as I take the jam to my room, or watch as it falls and smashes on the ground right before your eyes!"

"What type of choices are those? I, the great Roman, will stop you from doing -"

"Salutations Virgil, Patton, and Remus. May I inquire as to why you are blocking the kitchen doorway?" Logan says from behind Virgil, making the three observing Sides jump and turn around. There may have been a screech or two, but Virgil refuses to admit it. The logical Side looks at that the bowls in their hands "It is almost lunch time, so I would advise not filling up on that popcorn-" 

Virgil watches as Logan walks into the kitchen and snorts after Logan cuts himself off when he takes in the scene in front of him. "Oh, there's my jam. I was looking for it this morning." Logan makes a beeline to the kitchen table and grabs the container while Janus and Roman sputter.

"You can't just take a hostage, Logan-"

"We were NOT under delicate negotiations-"

"You ruined my monologue!"

"-did NOT take me forever to find the damn thing this morning…"

 _But it was getting good!_ Virgil boos at Logan, throwing popcorn at him. Remus joins in, taking the other bowl from Patton and chucking all of it at the logical Side. He stops when the wave of popcorn hits him, looks around, and grumbles "Why do you two semi-frequently throw popcorn at me? It baffles me. You know what, I do not care right now. I am not going to clean it up this time!" before marching out.

Virgil looks over in the hopes that Roman and Janus will continue, but it seems the show is over for the day, as the two Sides stomp out of the kitchen, still bickering about "Stop taking labeled food!" and "Learn to share, you heathen!"

"Well I think that was one of their better ones!" Patton exclaimed, grabbing the broom and dustpan from the corner and starts sweeping the popcorn covered floor.

"Yeah, I wonder what choice Roman was going to make." Virgil adds, going to sit down at the table. Remus scoffs, leaning on the doorframe.

"He was absolutely going to choose to allow Janus to knock the jar over so he could give a monologue about how he was too late and needing to get revenge on the foul villain…"

"Oooh! But maybe they would have sat down and learned to overcome their differences with the power of friendship!"

Virgil snorts at Patton's idea. He was more thinking that Roman would allow Janus to "abscond" with the jar so that he can stage an attack on the villain's room _. I can see him want to break his door down..._ He sighs. "Either way, we have to wait for whenever they both are feeling dramatic again before they will continue the plot…"

"So, you mean tomorrow?" Remus slyly questions, causing Patton to laugh and Virgil to snicker. He hopes so, because last time it took a whole week for them to continue the plot. _And who doesn't hate it when your favorite show goes on hiatus…This shit is better than TV!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Roman would absolutely try to out drama each other, is all I am saying


	4. Stuck in His Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas has a song stuck in his head

Thomas and Logan are talking about upcoming goals for the week when suddenly the host groans and covers his face with his hands.

"Is something the matter, Thomas?" Logan asks, eyebrows raised. They had barely even started so he is not looking forward to the interruption.

"Yeah, I haven't been able to get a song out of my head for the last week, and it just started up again!" Thomas moans.

"Is it a disturbing song? Maybe with lyrics you don't like? Because it could be another way Remus is giving you intrusive thoughts. We can find him - " Logan is interrupted by Thomas "No, it is a happy song, so definitely not an intrusive thought. It is not bad really, other than I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT 24/7!" The shout echoes around the room, but Logan in unfazed by the extra emotion.

"Well, you can also have songs 'stuck in your head' as it were, if one of us is singing it loudly." Logan adjusts his glasses. He debates getting his Sherlock outfit out but decides against it since Thomas is too miserable to appreciate it _. Which is extremely disappointing..._ "As you can see I am not the culprit. If it is a happy song, I would say the main suspect would be Patton."

"Patton! Come here!" Thomas demands. Patton happily rises up and greets the others.

"Heya Thomas! What, is there something I can help you with, kiddo?" He waves to Logan "Heya Logan!"

"Have you been singing a song and getting it stuck in my head?" Thomas demands. Patton looks startled "No I haven't - " Logan interrupts Thomas "The Side has to be actively singing it, so that rules out Patton. The next logical choice would be Roman-"

"Roman!"

"You called?" Roman adds a twirl to his rise. He looks around at the angry Thomas, stoic Logan, and confused Patton. "Is this about me getting distracted this week?"

"No, it is about the song stuck in my head!" Thomas says.

Logan narrows his eyes at Roman, thinking. "You may be talking about the same thing, Thomas. The song stuck in your head may be interrupting Roman's creativity, but for that to happen, it would normally take more than one side to be singing" He trails off in a murmur. Thomas has had enough and just calls the rest of the sides.

Janus, Remus, and Virgil all appear in Virgil's normal spot, all holding microphones singing and dancing.

"~

Mama said don't give up, it's a little complicated

All tied up, no more love and I'd hate to see you waiting

~"

They pause when they realize they were summoned. Then they all grin at each other and start singing at the top of their lungs.

"~

Had to have high, high hopes for a living

Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing

Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision

Always had high, high hopes

~"

"Oooh, this sounds happy! I like it; I want to join!" Patton exclaims. "No, wait Patton, we want to stop the - " Thomas tries to get Patton's attention, but he has already conjured a paper with the lyrics and is joining in.

"You can't have a musical without me!" Roman yells, then proceeds to conjure a microphone and sing along, ignoring Thomas's sputters. Thomas turns desperately towards Logan. "How do we stop thi- " He stops upon seeing the logical Side humming along. Logan flushes, then mutters "the chorus is quite catchy…", and refuses to meet the host's eyes.

Thomas collapses on the couch as the second verse starts up. So many questions are popping up even as the song echoes through his head. Why are the Dark Sides singing this song? Were they doing Karaoke, with the microphones? Why can the Sides even get a song stuck in his head? Are they intentionally doing it, or just having fun? Why that song?

However he knows he is not going to get any answers, so Thomas gives into the inevitable and joins in with the now six Sides.

"~

They say it's all been done but they haven't seen the best of me

So I got one more run and it's gonna be a sight to see

~"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think they stopped getting songs stuck in Thomas's head, did you? :)
> 
> I was going to go with "Hey look Ma, I made it!" but I didn't think that Patton would like the prostitute line.


	5. Days Deceit Loves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reference to Virgil's thoughts when answering the chair question in chapter thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got sidetracked by thinking about situations like this during that chapter, so I fleshed one of them out.

Janus jolts awake to the sound of crashing in the common room. He sighs, feeling like today was going to be one of those days. When he makes his way into the common room, he is proven right.

"Keep it away, keep it away, **KEEP IT AWAY** " Virgil is screaming, using his four spider arms to make him run faster around the room.

"STABBED PEOPLE! DEAD BABIES!" Remus bellows as he tries to catch the shadow chasing Virgil. Virgil turns around periodically in order to help, only to freak out more with each block. "RUN-OVER PUPPIES!"

" **TOO SIMILAR!"** Virgil yells at the last comment, just as Remus tackles the shadow. Janus sighs as he opens his portal for Remus to wrestle the squirming mass of darkness into _. The thing made completely of shadow, so why does Remus look slimy?_ "What the hell was the thought?" He asks the other two Sides.

"Well you know how Thomas donated to PETA a few years ago?" Remus asks while Virgil catches his breath.

"Yeah…"

"Well, Thomas heard today that PETA euthanizes around 80 percent of the animals they house." Remus chirpily replies "So the thought I was trying to catch was- "

"Did Thomas's donation directly contribute to an animal being **killed**?!?" Virgil frets.

"Hey now, none of that! I caught the shadow so you can't freak out about it." Remus sternly replies. He grabs the anxious Sides shoulders and shakes a little.

"Are there other charities like that? Have we given to them? **Are we helping kill animals**?!?" Virgil is growing more tense with each question he asks, only to have Remus increase his shaking with the increase in volume. _Oh for the love of-_

"Okay, stop!" Janus yells, stopping both Remus's shaking and Virgil's yelling. He waits until both are looking at him before taking a deep breath. _Alright, time to make a game plan._

"So we found out that PETA is scum. Fine, we will make sure Thomas gives to a local shelter instead of PETA if he wants to help animals." That seems to calm Virgil some "Also, we will make sure Thomas looks into each charity before he gives money to them, in case they are also like PETA." Virgil relaxes enough to dissipate some of the shadows that had been gathering under his eyes. "So there is nothing to fear. We'll bring it up to Thomas slowly." Janus soothes, then turns to Remus, grinning. "Good catch Remus!" Remus beams.

"Now who is going to help me clean up the mess you guys ma-" Before Janus can finish the question, both Virgil and Remus take off to their rooms yelling about "Can't look at it, so much destruction! Nowhere to fucking sit!" and "Puppy killing! I'm inspired!!". Two doors slam - Virgil's first because he used his spider arms for extra speed - as Janus looks around the trashed common room. "Yeah that is NOT what I was expecting." He sighs "It is definitely going to be one of those days…"


	6. Don't Play Hide and Seek with Remus and Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus finds out the Light Sides played hide and seek with Remus and Virgil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Must be April Fools!
> 
> If you want to know why Virgil doesn't like PETA, read the previous chapter.

Janus is happily doing some chores around the Dark Side, leaving Remus and Virgil up in the Light Side. His stomach starts to rumble, so he looks at the clock on the wall _. Basically time for lunch, I deserve a break!_

He heads up to the Light Side to eat lunch and uses the door in Virgil's room connecting the Dark Side to the Light Side. Janus is a little surprised to not find the anxious Side in his room _\- he has been getting better at staying in the common areas since we all got up here_ \- and heads down to the kitchen. Before he gets there, though, he catches all three Light Sides talking quietly in the common room with no Remus or Virgil in sight _. That can't be good..._

Before he can come up with a good greeting, Logan spots him. "Hello Janus, it seems that we may need your assistance."

"And what CAN'T I assist you with?" At this point he already knows that it is going to have to do with the other Dark Sides. _But what could they have possibly done..._

"Heya, Janus!" Patton waves "We were playing hide and seek with Remus and Virgil -"

"You WHAT?!?" Janus yells. _That was DEFINITELY on the banned list!_

"By your tone I assume that is not a good activity to partake in with Virgil and Remus?" Logan questions, conjuring one of his ENDLESS notebooks. _Why does he need all of them? This is common sense!!_

Janus sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "How long have they been hiding?"

"Ah, since right after breakfast…" Roman uneasily states. Janus stares hard at him _\- That was a little over four hours ago!_ \- until the subdued creative Side looks away. "Well then we definitely do NOT need to find Remus first." Janus heads to the kitchen, the other Sides following him.

"Hey Janus, we have already checked the kitchen - " Patton starts, but Logan interrupts "Maybe Janus knows of a place that Remus normally hides that we are unaware of."

Janus stands in the doorway, completely still and waits. With Remus's body structure and Virgil's shadow powers it is almost impossible to find their hiding spots without some help. Luckily, one of them has a distinct tick when winning at a game-

A very faint giggle is heard coming from inside the kitchen. _Got him!_ Janus scans the room looking for something... _Ah! There would be a good spot!_ He moves over to a tiny cabinet in the kitchen way too small for a normal person to fit in. "Rule number one, do not play hide and seek with Remus" he says as he opens the door. Remus 's face looks out and sees Janus "That doesn't count if they pulled you in to find me!" he complains.

"Yeah, yeah you win" Janus replies. "The real problem is that they have not found Virgil either."

"But how is he able to hide in that small space?!?" Roman yells. Both Patton and Logan are also watching wide-eyed as Remus shuffles himself out of the cabinet.

"Bones are just guidelines, not rules, dear brother!" Remus crows into the sputtering face of Roman.

"Remus focus. We need to find Virgil." Janus reminds Remus. "What do we need to do?'

"Hmm" Remus thinks for a bit, scanning the room before focusing on Patton. "Hey Patton!"

"Uh hi?" Patton weakly waves at Remus

"You like animals right?"

"Oh, do I!" Patton's smile is more genuine this time

"And you want to help animals in need right?" Remus grins, and Janus, seeing where Remus is going with this, chuckles. _Yeah, that will do it._

"Yeah! Helping animals is a great thing to do!" Patton beams, though he does send Janus a wary look at the laugh. _If you only knew where Remus is heading..._

"You know what we should do then, Patton?" "What?" "We should make a donation to PETA-"

" **You son of a bitch!** " Remus is side-tackled by a very pissed off Virgil launching himself from the top of the refrigerator, in front of the stunned Light Sides. " **Thomas** **will not be a murderer!** "

"Found him" Remus crows, trying to get out from beneath Virgil. Janus stares incredulously at the Light Sides. _They didn't even check the top of the refrigerator? That is Virgil's go-to spot!!Well, it was before the game was banned because they hid for three days straight…_ Remembering the echoing giggles as he slowly lost his mind trying to find the other two still makes him shiver.

"But … What?" Roman sputters. "I don't understand" Logan states. "Virgil! You are okay!" Patton cheers. _Ah! I forgot that they still don't know much about our shadow abilities._ Janus thinks, stifling another sigh.

"Rule number two. Do not play hide and seek with Virgil unless Remus is playing. You will never find him if you can't make him extremely anxious" Janus retorts, completely done with the excitement. "Okay Remus and Virgil, time for you to actually help with the destruction you caused in the Dark Side! Let’s go!" Both Sides whine but head to the Dark Side door. The Light Sides stare at Janus in a mixture of awe, horror, and confusion.

"Maybe next time you should run whatever game you want to play with those two by me first." Janus sardonically states. "There is NOT a reason for the banned game list I have for them. However, I DON'T need to get down there before they destroy more things than they clean."

He heads out, leaving the Light Sides with more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus is sorry not sorry


	7. A Bad Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sides are watching Infinity Wars and it doesn't end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!! THIS IS ANGST!! 
> 
> This isn't a happy chapter by any means, even if there is comfort at the end! 
> 
> You have been warned...

It all started with the Sides deciding to go through the Marvel cinematic universe after Disney acquired them. Remus is happy to see all the explosions and some blood, which is more than any other Disney movie has. _Except for that Atlantis movie, but we never watch that one!_

He is extra excited for tonight because they are going to watch the movie that the bad guy wins. _Only for him to lose in the next movie, but I will take what I can get!_

Everything was going well, the villain was winning and Remus rooting for him - _Janus must be loving the utilitarian argument in this!_ \- when one of the final scenes happens.

"Stark? I don't feel so good…" Everything in Remus freezes when he realizes what is about to happen. The hug, the pleading, opening wounds he thought were long healed. _no ,No , NO , NO! NO!!!_

As Spiderman is turning to dust, Remus feels something within him break. He jumps up, ready to fight, ready to scream, ready to do ANYTHING-

*CRASH*

He starts to see the TV's screen completely broken, and Janus breathing hard with his arm extended. The remote that had been in the Dad Side's hand the reason for the broken screen. He shares a look with Janus, seeing the other's bare soul bleeding, even if the others can't.

"What? I thought you guys would like the bad guy winning?" Roman protests, looking ready to conjure another TV. Remus quickly grabs his brother's shoulder HARD to stop him. After a shaky breath, he is able to answer. "I think Janus and I are done for the night-"

Before he can finish, spider arms grab him and Janus and pull them into a crushing hug. _Looks like Virgil has figured it out…_ He didn't want the anxious Side to know how many nightmares he - and apparently Janus - still had about the night he ducked out, but he needs the hug too much to protest what the other obviously figured out.

"Hey guys, Janus, Remus, and I have some Dark Side stuff that we need to do in the morning, so we are going to head out." Virgil says, pulling Remus and Janus with him off the couch and towards the stairs. Roman tries to complain about the TV, only for Virgil to harshly retort to make a new one. Remus knows he should be acting like nothing happened, but he is too focused on the spider arms holding him close. _It's okay, he is here. We weren't too late. Everything is okay…_

He vaguely realizes that Virgil pulls them all into his room. He puts up a minimal protest, only to be shut down and told to help pull all the blankets into the middle of Virgil's bed. On autopilot, he follows the order, and finds a good spot in the blankets once the pile is complete. At no time in the process did the shadow arms leave his shoulders. _He must be using a lot of power to keep that up..._

Once they all get on the blankets, Virgil starts to talk.

"I'm here. I didn't disappear. You guys found me. I am okay. You are okay" the anxious Side repeats over and over again in a soothing voice. The words are a balm to Remus's soul. Good enough to heal the pain he is having from flashing back to when Virgil ducked out, but not enough to make the scar disappear. After a few iterations, Remus is able to use his voice again.

"I am vetoing all dust movies."

"Seconded" Janus replies, his voice sounding like he had been screaming for hours on end, and not just listening to Virgil's reassurance.

"Then it is three versus whomever is dumb enough to go against us."Virgil states. "At best it is a tie, but if we all veto it, then Patton is not going to fight back. You don't have to watch any movie where someone turns to dust!"

Remus relaxes once hearing that logic, and feels Virgil's arms hold him tighter. "I am so sorry that I did this to you-"

"No!" Remus exclaims, only to be seconded by Janus. He continues "Look, it is always going to be a sore spot, but we don't blame you! It just took us by surprise..." He desperately tries to think of other ways to reassure Virgil, but comes up blank. _I am barely being held together by the spider arms…_

Virgil sighs, then a moment of silence occurs between the three Dark Sides. It was calming in one way, but also tension-building in another. Virgil finally breaks it by clearing his throat, his eyes flashing purple.

"Okay, I'll make a deal with you. I will do my best not to blame myself for your obvious PTSD-" Both Remus and Janus try to disagree here, only to be ignored by Virgil"- if you guys promise to let me know when it gets to you." Both Remus and Janus hesitate, sharing a look. Remus knows how often the nightmares happen for him-

Virgil interrupts their silence again. "I'm not going to get mad, or blame myself if you guys come to me. I just… don't want you guys hurting alone. Please…" With the please added at the end, Remus knows that he is going to agree.

"Deal" Janus rasps. Remus wants to be upset that he did not ask Remus before agreeing, but he can't argue with the conclusion. _Let's be honest, if any Side knew what I am thinking at this point in time, it is_ Janus _…_

"Okay" the word is pushed through a breath that Virgil was obviously holding, waiting for an answer. "So… slumber party?"

Remus chuckles, ready for the day to be over. "Try to move me, bitch!"

With that, he relaxes into the blankets, falling to the pull of sleep not long after. The feel of a spider arm and an Janus arm holding him makes his nightmares fade away, at least for now. _And that is all I can ask..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least they got a ton of hugs, right? They'll be okay! 
> 
> It was actually the spiderman scene I thought of when trying to figure out how to describe Virgil in his room... So this chapter was like Thanos, inevitable.
> 
> I'll make the next chapter happier, I promise!


	8. Kitten around in the kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Janus are in the kitchen when a kitten walks in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a happy story based off the idea that both Patton and Janus are severely allergic to cats.

Patton never thought he would be baking in the same kitchen as Deceit-Janus was cleaning. The two Sides tended to avoid being alone in the same room together, based on their past history. But he seems to be the main one from the Dark Side that did any chores, making it only a matter of time that they would be left in the same room alone. Roman and Logan run from most chores, and apparently Virgil and Remus do the same. Knowing that does not get rid of the tension in the air-

"meow" Patton whips around to see the CUTEST KITTEN EVER wandering into the kitchen.

"EEEEEEEEEE" is all he can get out as he watches it wander closer to him. Janus hisses.

"It SSSeems that Ssomeone needs to closse their door better!" Patton is a little unnerved by the hissing, but the kitten just rubbed against him and it is so adorable and cure and lovable and-

"Achoo!" Without missing a beat, he reaches down to pet the amazing critter, feeling his nose start to run. "Aren't you the most adorable thing-"

"Achoo!" he looks up, startled. That was not him, which means-

Janus is looking at the kitten, with running eyes and sniffling nose. The main thing Patton notices is that the snake Side is not yelling about getting rid of the kitten even though he is obviously having allergic reactions. In fact, he looks like he wants to-

"Do you want to pet them?" Patton asks, offering the purring kitten to him. _EEEEEEEE!_

Janus slowly reaches out and pets the kitten's ears, causing the purring to increase. Both Sides look at each other in silent screaming. It struck Patton that this is the first time he had seen the other Side look excited without Virgil or Remus around. He wants to comment on it, if only he could stop sneezing for long enough… "ACHOO!"

The sounds of footsteps coming toward the kitchen makes Patton panic - _The others won't let me keep a kitten because I am allergic!_ \- only for Janus to stuff the kitten under his cape with and extra arm and go back to washing the dishes.

"Patton, I have arrived to ask you for request tacos for tomorrows lunch-" Roman stops when he sees how tear-filled the morality Side's eyes are. He immediately pulls his katana on Janus, freaking out Patton.

"Janus! What have you done-"

"No Roman! Everything is fine! We were just-" At this he faltered, not sure what to say.

"TOTALLY talking about sad movies" Janus gets out, sounding like he is sick. Patton doesn't know how to feel when Roman takes that as truth. _He's lying, but I really don't want to have the kitten be placed back in the Imagination yet! We barely got to pet it!!_

"Oh well, in that case, do you want tissues?" Patton chuckles, or tries to. It is difficult when he can't push any air through his nose. "Yes please, Roman. Thank you!"

The creative Side leaves after getting reassurance that tacos will be made tomorrow, and leaving two tissue boxes for the sniffling Sides. They only have time to blow their noses before comes running into the kitchen.

"Janus! Quick, do you have any science-y books that I can borrow?" The chaotic Side looks warily behind him, checking the entrance. "I MAY have set a few of Logan's books on fire, and I am hoping if I replace them he won't notice-" He stops after getting a good look at the two sniffling Sides.

Patton tries to look innocent, but the snot running down his face is definitely noticeable. His eyes are starting to water, and a glance at Janus's face shows his are getting really red. However, the glance shared with the snake Side shows they are both not willing to give up the kitten. _Who knew I would be in cohoots with Janus versus the other Sides? And that he has cat allergies as well? Solidarity in kitten-loving-but-you-have-severe-allergies-to-them!_

"Why are you two crying-" Remus is cut off by Logan's entrance into the kitchen, looking as furious as Patton had ever seen the normally emotionless Side. _Oh, boy, is he pissed!_

"REMUS!"

"Gotta go!" Remus screams as he ducks around Logan and makes a break for the stairs. Logan pauses seeing the state Patton and Janus are in and grimaces. "Ugh, emotions. Do you two require assistance?"

When Patton and Janus both shake their heads, the logical Side appears relieved before storming out of the room muttering about giving Remus a stern lecture on how to properly care for books.

They wait a minute to see if anyone else is going to run into the room. When the coast is clear, Patton flashes puppy dog eyes at Janus. _I want to pet!!_ With a raised eyebrow at the face, Janus slowly pulls out the kitten, which has fallen asleep in the extra arm that held him under the cape. _EEEEEEEE!_

They pet and coo over the kitten for a few minutes, even though Patton can feel his hands and face start to itch like crazy. _I accept my early demise. It is a kitty!_

"Hey Patton, how is lunch going-" Janus quickly hides the kitten in his cape while as Virgil walks into the kitchen, only to freeze at the sight of the two fatherly Sides crying.

"Oh my god! Why are you two crying? Is someone dying? Are one of you dying?!?" Shadows start to spread under the anxious Sides eyes as he freaks out. Patton rushes over and gives him a hug.

"Oh no, Kiddo! No one is hurt! We were just -" Patton's stops his next words - _kitten around_ \- and looks helplessly at Janus. _He might figure out the pun!_

Thankfully Janus is on the case. "We were just having an emotional moment" Patton stares at the snake Side in awe. _Not technically a lie. One of those omission ones, I think…_

"Well that is good! You two scared be half to death-" Virgil's words cut short as he stares at the two Sides more. Patton gulps, hoping he doesn't look guilty. It is just his luck his nose starts to itch through the snot right then.

"You two don't have an emotional-crying type of look, but more physically-sick type of look, with your noses running…" the hard stare turns into a suspicious glare. "What is going on?"

"NOTHING, Virgil"

"Aha! That is your lying voice, Janus! Something is going on! Why aren't you telling me-"

"ACHOO!" Patton finally lost the battle to the sneeze. At the silence that followed his interruption, he is a little afraid to look back at Virgil, so he takes a quick glance at Janus. If he was not in the same boat as the snake Side, the look of flustered guilt partially covered by bravado would have been hilarious. _I wish I could take a picture…It's going to be hard to go back to being scared of him while remembering that face!_

"You guys got a cat, don't you?" Virgil's flat delivery of the question made it clear that they weren't going to be able to deny it. Patton breaks.

"Kiddo, we just want to pet it! It is so cute and lovable and it PURRS!-"

"Janus, not again! You know you are severely allergic! And you too, Patton! Both of you look awful already, like you rubbed your faces on it or something-"

"Oh my gosh! I didn't even think about that!" _MUST DO!_

"TOTALLY not going to do that before it goes back to the Imagination…"

"So you have until I can find Remus or Roman to play with it, and then it goes back. And you are taking a ton of benedryl, so I hope you didn't have any plans for the rest of the day!"

The aggressive tones from Virgil should worry Patton a bit, but he just said that he isn't taking the kitten right away! _EEEEEE!_ Janus immediately takes the kitten out from under his cape and rubs his face on it.

"Really, Janus?!? I am still in the room and you do that? You know what, I'm leaving. The faster I find one of the twins the sooner I get to drown you two in benedryl…" Virgil storms out of the room, calling for Roman and Remus.

Patton goes over and holds out his hands for his turn. As soon as he gets the kitten, he rubs his face on it as well. _I can almost feel my face swell up, but I am so happy! It is purring!_

"You know he might NOT actually drown us in Benadryl. Virgil is a little heavy handed with his caring…" Janus smirks, petting the kitten lightly on the head.

Patton raises his face off the purring creature, and sees the same expression on the other's face that must be on his. He feels a true sense of camaraderie in that moment.

"Worth it!"

\----

EXTRA - after the kitten is put back

"Virgil, I know that Janus and Patton need Benadryl, but why do you want Roman to conjure 100 bottles of the liquid kind?"

"Because, Logan, I am going to fill the bathtub with it and dunk them in until they pass out. You know, from drinking it."

"…WHAT?"

"Uh, Virgil, I am not going to make you that much now that I know how you are going to use it-"

"They need a lot in their system as soon as possible, Roman!"

"I got you covered Virgil! Just like that one time with the poison!"

"THANK YOU Remus! See, someone cares about them! You fill the tub and I'll go get them."

"VIRGIL, NO!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case, PSA: Please don't drink benedryl until you pass out...


	9. The Coffee Incident of 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Remus chug a shit ton of coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was watching some youtube and came across these two videos. They absolutely contributed to this story. So all credit to them!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=647iwa0Ui3g, just, all of it….
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3z64ELEUFqI at time 0:30 - 0:38

Looking back, Virgil knew his first warning should have been the lack of Patton's voice as he walked towards the kitchen. It was a rare thing for anyone to be up earlier than him. Virgil had come down at normal time as well, meaning that Patton should have been happily making breakfast. Instead what greets him sends chills down his spine even remembering it.

Remus and Roman are standing by the kitchen table, all but vibrating in place. Two coffee pots, like the 10 cup kind, are laying on their side on the table, empty. The creative twins are chugging two other pots - _POTS!!!!_ \- as Virgil watches in horror. _OH MY GOD NO!!!_

Roman slams down his pot first, and cheers when he notices his twin still drinking. As the jubilant Side twirls in place, he spots Virgil frozen in the doorway. "Oh, hey Virgil! Patton is taking an easy day so he was not down here when I got here but Remus was and he challenged me to see who could drink coffee the fastest so we chose to do two whole pots of coffee in order to make it a challenge and I just won aren't you excited I must do something to celebrate!!" Not a pause could be heard in Roman's tirade, so it took a second to translate the one long sentence into anything coherent.

Before Virgil can reply, a crash sounds as Remus slams his pot down, shattering it. "Alright bitches, time for some fun!" he screams and starts to head out of the kitchen. Virgil jumps in front of him, pulling out his spider arms to block the door. _If they are contained in the kitchen, then the damage will be minimal…_

"Remus! You have got to stay-"

"Oh wow, Kiddo! You have out your scary arms. What appears to be the problem?" A shaky but trying-to-be-happy voice pipes behind him. _Oh! Oh, no…_

"Patton, you need to get out of here-" Virgil yells over his shoulder, but he is too late. Remus's maniacal "you think THAT is scary" is coupled by the feel of him conjuring something. Sure enough, as Virgil looks behind him, a horde of spiders rush out of the kitchen toward Patton, who lets out an ear piercing scream.

"Never fear, Patton! I am here to save you!" Roman screams and rushes Virgil. Remus sees the opening and does the same. With their combined momentum, Virgil falls out of the doorframe, letting the twins loose. He groans from where he landed on the floor, spiders crawling over him into the common room. _This is so going to suck…_

When he is able to get up, Virgil is not surprised to see Patton running around the common room screaming as Roman slashes at a ball of spiders following the happy Side. Or, trying to slash the ball of spiders and sometimes being successful. Mostly, he is ripping into furniture while yelling dramatic lines after Patton.

It looks like Remus is trying to escape up the stairs, only to be blocked by Logan coming down. The two Sides stare at each other for a frozen moment, before Remus goes on the offensive, conjuring his mace.

"Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!" _Oh shit, puns._ Virgil charges toward the stairs, seeing Logan hesitate at the joke thrown at him. "Logan, don't let him by-"

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things, literally" the second pun works, and Logan confusedly steps to the side trying to figure it out, allowing Remus to get through. _And he is going to go straight to fuck with Janus…_ Virgil gives in to the inevitable, and turns back to see the damage Roman is doing.

"Virgil, what is going on here? Why is Remus saying what I assume are puns-" Logan starts down the stairs, questioning, only to be interrupted by Virgil.

"You are travelling through another dimension, a dimension not only of caffeine but of Creativity. A journey into the chaotic space that is the Imagination. Next stop, the Manic Zone!" Virgil feels pretty good about his explanation, but it apparently does not impress Logan.

"I do not think I understand-"

"Remus and Roman chugged a metric shit ton of coffee and we are all about to suffer-"

A panicked scream can be heard from upstairs, and Remus appears just to jump over the railing at the top of the stairs to fall into the common room. Within a few seconds, Janus can be seen charging down the stairs with Remus's mace in hand. "Come on, Remus! Tell me one more paradox! I will LOVE it!" the snake Side screams as he chases Remus around the common room, smashing random pieces of furniture. Of course Remus keeps screaming "This sentence is false!" the entire time. _RIP Remus..._

Virgil tries to reason with Janus."He just chugged two pots of coffee-"

"There Patton, I have vanquished all the spiders that were perusing you- Oh! When did Logan get here?" Roman faces the logical Side, ignoring Janus chasing his screaming twin around the room. At least, until that same twin conjured some more spiders to chase Patton.

"Hey Logan, are you just SPYder-ing on us?" Patton weakly tries, and Virgil groans, knowing where this is going. Patton then sees the new wave of "creepy-crawly death dealers" and starts screaming and running again.

"Of course not Patton! If he wanted to, he would have BUGged the room !" Roman retorts, and Logan's eye twitches. Anxiety spikes with all the loud noises and everyone else freaking out, hitting Virgil all at once. He puts his head in his hands, ignoring the puns - because somehow Patton will stop being terrified to deliver a pun _. Such bullshit!_ \- and screaming going on in the room. Minutes go by as the common room and Logan's sanity completely shatter, with Virgil unable to help until he gets some control. _This is only going to get worse before it gets better. If only there were a way to quarantine-_ He jolts up at the idea taking place.

" **Janus! Let's ground them in the Dark Side!** " Virgil yells, advancing on Roman, his spider arms out. With his Tempus Tongue effect, he is pretty sure Thomas may have heard that. But that is a problem for after confining the creative twins.

Janus pauses in his pursuit of Remus to contemplate the idea. He apparently likes it, because a portal to the Dark Side common room appears in the middle of this room.

It takes only a minute to grab Roman away from the screaming Logan - _Why is Patton STILL making puns right now?!?_ \- and throw him into the portal. A few seconds later, Remus jumps into the portal to escape a mace swing from Janus. The pissed off Side closes it, and surveys the damage done to the room. It is completely trashed, with a fire or two merrily crackling. "Now Virgil, what WEREN'T you saying-"

" **Those two had a coffee chugging contest** , so this is going to go on for a couple hours." Virgil supplies, feeling his anxiety lower enough to talk normally. He turns on Patton. "Why where you enabling Roman?!?"

"He just seemed excited this morning! I didn't want to dampen the mood…" Patton mutters. The eye-twitching that is happening on Logan's face shows he does not agree with Patton's sentiment.

However, they aren't given anymore time to talk before Thomas summons them up to his living room. _Here we go…_

Once up there, Thomas seems confused as to why Roman and Remus also did not show up. "I called for everybody-"

"The twins are currently grounded."Janus informs the host, sounding pissed. Thomas blinks, confused.

"Grounded? What do you mean-"

"Those two drugged up clods are going to be quarantined in the Dark Side until they wear off the caffeine high." Virgil interrupts. Thomas looks worried, so he shoots a pleading glance over to Janus. "Look, they aren't hurting or anything, just distanced from you so you don’t have to deal with their manic-"

"Oh my fucking god!" Janus yells, looking down at his phone/TV. He sneers at the screen. "Oh, yeah, you want to see the POOR ABUSED Sides, Thomas?"

Virgil watches as Janus faces the screen towards everyone else to see - _Is that Roman and Remus screaming the lyrics of Smooth Criminal, with Remus making the base beat by hitting the underside of a chair with a lamp base? And why are there marks on the walls behind them? They have only been there for a few minutes!?!?!_

"That…Doesn't seem that bad…" Thomas concedes.

"And if they were in the Light Side, that would NOT be all you could think about, instead of it being a constant sound in the back of your mind." Janus points out, still sneering at the screen. "I propose a ban on those two being able to drink this much coffee again."

"Seconded" Logan comments, looking like he is finally starting to recover. _Yeah, he is not happy with what happened…_ Patton still seemed unsure about the whole situation, so Thomas turned to Virgil. _Oh boy._

"Do you remember that time when you thought aliens were out to get you?" he asks, and Thomas hesitantly nods. "That was pretty awful…"

"Yeah, well, Remus had drunk less than half the caffeine he did today to freak me out that much." At the skeptical look from the host, Virgil explains "Remus became focused on fucking with Janus and Roman got side-tracked with helping Patton. That is the ONLY reason that I am not curled up in a corner screaming right now." _I almost got to that fucking point being on the periphery, dear god!_ After a deep breath, he continues. "So you are going to have to trust us when we say you do NOT want that energy at the forefront of your mind."

"…Okay, but they will be fine, right?"

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that" Janus mutters, making Virgil wince. He knows what he is going for, but is sure Thomas does not. The snake Side seems to realize it when he starts to explain. "If you think for one minute that they are not going to have to clean up the destruction they caused…"

That relaxes their host, who chuckles. "So, they will have cleanup duty?"

"Yep. And they are probably going to be monitored so they don't do something so stupid again"- "Are you okay, Annie?" - everyone grimaces at the scream overtaking their thoughts. Virgil decides to take control of the conversation again.

"Look, your Light Side is completely trashed, so good luck getting anything done today. Just take a self-care day and-"

"We won' t discuss The Coffee Incident of 2020 ever again" Janus concludes causing Virgil to groan. _Again with the capitalizations…_ Not that he can blame him this time. If any incident needs to be capitalized, this one was it. _Those two DEFINITELY can't hold their coffee!_


	10. Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Logan hang out

Logan is in the middle of perfecting Thomas's schedule for the week - _fifty eight percent likely he will look at it all, twenty two percent that it will be headed_ \- when his door is slammed open.

Not ready for a "great idea" from Roman that will mess up his last hour of work, he sends a glare to the door. Only to blink in confusion when he sees the wrong brother.

"Hey, Bill Nye the science guy!"

"Hello Remus. How may I be of assistance?" Logan is not sure what this creative Side would want, as this is the first time he has burst through his door. _Is this because he has not felt this way since he has joined the Light Side, or he is more comfortable with invading my privacy?_

"I want to try something in the kitchen, but doing it alone is boring. So I decided to make it science-y or whatever so you can join!" That gave Logan pause. _Why does he want me in the kitchen?_

"What do you mean-"

Remus launches himself over to Logan's desk, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. _Dark Sides are more tactile than their counterparts_ Logan reminds himself so that he doesn't stiffen too much. _It seems to be their sign of affection, like Patton._

"How would you like to know exactly what power the microwave is?~" Remus leans in closer as he asks the question. He has to admit he is intrigued by that. _However-_

"How does that fit in with what you want to do?" Logan asks suspiciously. _I need to know the down sides before I agree. No matter how intriguing it is…_

"So, here is the thing, Logan. I want to destroy the microwave. I have this urge! I don't know why, but that is the way things are. I am willing to allow you to see if I can conjure exact replicas of a microwave by testing its power if I can destroy them after you are done." Remus squeezes the arm around his shoulders. _Supposedly a show of camaraderie_ " So, what do you say?"

He should feel conflicted about the destruction of property, and the blatant bribing that Remus is using. _But…_

"Why not invite your brother?"

Remus scoffs. "He would probably try to STOP me from harming the 'poor defenseless microwave'" The air-quotes had enough distain to register with Logan. _And he won't ask Patton because he will also try to stop him._

"Virgil or Janus."

Remus levels a flat stare at him. "Come on. Virgil? Around that much destruction? Do you remember the Coffee Incident? " _We aren't supposed to mention that, but point made "_ And as for Janus" the chaotic Side shrugs, what looks to be confusion flicker over his face "he likes microwaves for some reason? I don't know what to tell you, but he always gets upset when I want to try fun things with them…" _Most likely breaking them in the process._ However, Logan has to admit that he is the best choice based on that reasoning. _Now, onto the important question._

"What sort of experiment are you suggesting would allow us to calculate the power?"

As if anticipating the question, Remus holds out his phone, showing a website about how to use marshmallows to calculate the power of a microwave. "Since we know the speed of light, if we line the bottom of the microwave with marshmallows, we can figure out the wavelength of the microwaves based on how the marshmallows expand. Once we know that, we can accurately guess the power." _He has done his homework..._ Before Logan can read fully through the steps, the phone is pulled away away. Leaning in conspiratorially, Remus lowers his voice. "So what do you say, Logan? Are you okay with being blatantly bribed?"

The logical Side is torn. What he saw on the site actually looks scientific, but admitting he is okay with bribes seems illogical and potentially detrimental in the long run. _But, the experiment seemed solid from what I was able to read, and it would be interesting to see how accurate the rating on the microwave is! Add in the knowledge on how good Remus is in conjuring an exact copy…_

"Fine!" Logan burst out. He quickly adds some caveats to this agreement. "I am NOT responsible for what you do to the microwave after I get the measurements, and you WILL conjure a good sample size so that I can make a solid conclusion from the data."

The manic air is back around the chaotic Side. "Sure, Logan. As long as the other Sides don't interrupt us! By the way, when is the best time to do this-"

"We can start at 1:45 PM. That will give us until supper before anyone normally enters the kitchen." He gets the feeling that the information he just gave was very important, but now that he has agreed to the experiment, he wants to start as soon as possible.

"Great! So we meet in the kitchen at 1:45 and start the science!" Remus gives one last squeeze with his arm before he runs out of the room. "See you then.~"

The conflict of being bribed is still there, but a sense of anticipation at INTERESTING experiment drowns it out. _I need a new notebook for this._

\----

The "Ready to science this bitch?" doesn't even faze Logan as he enters the kitchen at exactly 1:45 PM. _Is his early arrival because his watch is off or because he is eager? Inconclusive._

He does take in the scene before him. Remus is sitting with the microwave pulled out of its normal spot and put on the floor in the far corner of the kitchen - _better for destruction?_ \- with a pile of marshmallow bags sitting next to him. As unsettling as the manic light in Remus's eyes are - _not logical at all…_ \- he has kept his end of the deal so far.

No one normally is excited to do experiments with Logan, so the idea that someone else is eager to participate is - _amazing_ \- confusing.

"Do you really want to do the science portion of this deal, or are you just using me for your destructive means?" As soon as the question is out, Logan wants to call it back. _I have already postulated it is eighty percent likely to be the latter. Do I actually want a confirmation?_

"I don't mind finding out more. But my real focus is having someone else who is enjoying it, even if it is for different reasons." A mace appears in the chaotic Side's hand. "Now, you ready for some science, and then destruction?" _That answer is … much better than expected. Also, the theory that he was early because he is eager is solidified._

Logan pulls out his new notebook and starts making notations. "Indeed."

\----

Time slips by as they go through over twenty microwaves. The first's microwaves were off more than Logan had originally hypothesized. _Normally that could be because of age, but his is in Thomas's head. Does age actually affect the machines here?_

Also, he was pleasantly surprised with the accuracy that Remus displayed in his conjured ones. _The furthest off the original microwave reading was only by five percent! That could count as within margin in most machines!!_ This lead him to wonder if Roman would have the same accuracy. _Are their conjuring abilities the same, or is there a difference? Would one be better for detail?_

As he took notes on the results from the current microwave, the chaotic Side gleefully smashed it with a very large hammer. So far, the destruction is mostly smashing with various objects, after Remus agreed to not put anything that would explode in the microwaves again. _He didn't create safety barriers before he did it!_ Logan kept the knowledge that he would be more willing to watch the machines explode if proper protocol for it was used to himself. _Likelihood that that could be used against me is high._

"Remus, Logan. Why is there a pile of broken microwaves in the corner of the kitchen?"

Even before the chaotic Side froze at the tone in the question, Logan could tell that Janus was furious standing in the doorway. _Stance is aggressive, and his right eye keeps twitching._ After a second of trying to figure out the best way to explain it without bringing up being bribed. Logan shrugs and looks the snake Side dead in the eye. _Maintain eye contact to show sincerity._

"Science." He then goes back to his notebook, to finish writing down the last of his observations before the inevitable argument. He refuses to admit to the smile that flickers across his face when Remus starts laughing uncontrollably at his response. _I am just happy with the amount of information I took today._

There is a pause in which Logan can sense Janus taking in the scene before him. His response surprises the logical Side enough to glance up from his notes. "Fair enough."

"But! Remus, you DON'T need to clean up all the broken ones. And you both need to make sure this place is NOT spotless when Patton comes down to make us supper!" _That…is not the argument I was expecting._ It was a given that the kitchen would be cleaned - _Always clean up after your experiments_ \- so he had already expected this. 

Janus continues. "And Logan, a word of warning. Letting Remus know you can be bribed and/or manipulated is NOT a good way to get pulled in to some crazy situations."

The logical Side took stock over what had transpired today. Yes, Remus used his love of science against him, but he also seemed to be happy to help Logan with his experiments. And the chaotic Side was actually very good at keeping his promise, both in giving him a good experiment and stopping exploding the microwaves. Even though there was literal pieces of a machine breaking around him more often than not, he has to admit that this afternoon had been extremely… peaceful and exciting at the same time. _Is there a word for this? I need to check._

With all of that information reviewed, Logan finishes his notes and closes the notebook. "I'll keep that in mind."

What he didn't say, was that it might not be the chaotic Side bribing someone the next time around. _It would be beneficial to have an - albeit destructive - assistant the next time I want to test something. I am sure I can come up with something Remus would want to destroy in recompense..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are absolutely going to blow up something big. It is only a matter of time!
> 
> I actually had a teacher give us this experiment as a bonus project. The trick is to NOT cook the marshmallows for a long time or you have to deep clean your microwave...
> 
> Its_Just_me pointed out that this has a similar conversation to the below comic, and I like this artist's comics so credit to them for Ethan's part!  
> https://aimasup.tumblr.com/post/190697978067/sanders-sides-incorrect-quotes-aka-we-need-more


	11. Bad Thoughts / My Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a bad night and goes into the imagination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: REMUS HAS A BAD NIGHT! You have been warned!

Remus wakes up gasping, the screams of a dog in pain echoing in his brain. He checks his phone and chuckles.

"Only an hour of beauty sleep? Guess I was already pretty…" but the chuckles quickly die down as he stares at the wall blankly. He knows he shouldn't be awake and alone right now, or his ideas will start filtering to Thomas, who is already asleep. He had a trying day today, giving Virgil and Janus extra work so Remus doesn't want to disturb their sleep. _Wake them up for screams and pain and death!_

"None of the others can get as little sleep as me…" he mutters, trying to think of anything else. He is not actually sure if he should be getting as little sleep as he does. All he knows is the others need at least six hours a day to be functional, whereas he normally gets four or less. Mostly because he can't sleep for too long before the thoughts wake him up...

Changing the topic works, but barely. He knows it is only a matter of time before the thoughts start screaming in his head again. The amount of shadows that he had to absorb today too many to be help back by an awkward subject change. 

In fact, he is not sure why he thought he would get any sleep tonight. _Probably because I have been running low on it recently and thought I could just pass out._ Which, to be fair, did work for an hour. But now he needs to find something else to do before- _Would the ribs have been completely crushed, or fractured in order to puncture the lungs? Would that have changed the sound of the scream_ -

"Okay, going to go somewhere!" Remus yells and jumps up. He starts to head out his bedroom door, thinking on going to the Dark Side and just fucking wrecking the place, when he remembers that the door is in Virgil's room. _And the anxious Side is definitely not going to sleep through someone waking through their room without help._ Unfortunately for that to happen, Remus would need to wake up Janus _. Which means waking up someone; exactly the thing I want to avoid!_

He turns around and eyes his door to the Imagination skeptically _._ He can sense his brother in there, making dreams for Thomas. Normally Remus tries to avoid going in there when Roman is making dreams, unless he is explicitly wanting to change them. When he is processing a lot of intrusive thoughts, it always seems to affect the dreams his twin makes, even if he isn't meaning to. _But this is my only action right now, so might as well get it over with. Like an amputation!_

As he enters the Imagination, he makes a beeline for the main spot that he likes to relax at; Possum Lake. Hissy and her possum family are chilling in the trees around the lake, so Remus goes to pet them. After extra head scratches for them all, the chaotic Side senses around the Imagination. Pleasantly surprised that his presence does not seem to be affecting the dream Roman is building, he goes and jumps into the lake. The shock of the cold water _\- It must be affected by the shadows I am processing_ \- causes him to yelp, before he starts to swim. _If I can just get my body so tired that I can pass out again, then I will be able to get more sleep tonight._

\----

Roman is in the middle of crafting a magnificent dream for Thomas, when he feels something change in the air. He senses around and starts when he realizes that Remus just entered the Imagination. He groans in frustration. _Thomas had a good day, and Remus thinks he can come in here and mess up my amazingly pleasant dream? Well, he has another thing coming!_

The creative Side continues working, but keeps an eye out for his brother entering the clearing. As the minutes tick by without Remus showing up, frustration grows to curiosity. _What is he doing? He normally heads this way when he knows I can sense him!_

He tries to ignore the question, only for it to grow louder as the absence of his brother becomes more pronounced.

"Alright fine! The mighty hero must go search for the villain this time? I am up for the task!" Roman shouts in exasperation before quickly finishing up the dream. He sends it off to Thomas, then looks around. _If I was my brother where would I go?_ He can only get the sensation that Remus is in the Imagination, but not exactly where he is.

"Though if I have a guess of somewhere he would at least visit…" Roman heads over to Possum Lake and Hissy. There was no way that Remus would visit the Imagination without at least visiting his possum. "And I, as an amazing Uncle, should check on my niece-possum."

When he nears the clearing, he can tell that Remus is still there. The sky has darkened over the lake, and an unpleasant breeze is constantly blowing. Roman frowns at seeing the possums all taking shelter like a storm is coming. _That doesn't make sense! He wouldn't bring a storm on Hissy and her family? What is going on?_

After a quick scan, he finds Remus swimming laps around the lake fully clothed. _He didn't even change into a swimsuit or ,more to his style, just swim naked?_ Roman makes his way to the shore close to where Remus will be turning around. When the chaotic Side gets close enough , he shouts to get his attention. "Remus, what are you doing?"

His brother starts, then stops to look at Roman. He can see a few emotions quickly flicker over his face, before the signature grin is in place. The surprise made sense, considering Roman rarely initiates these meetings. But the complete exhaustion that showed before it has him questioning the smile he is seeing now. _Is he just acting happy?_

"Why hello, Roman! I am just trying to catch hypothermia! Want to join me?" Roman frowns and puts a finger in the lake, only to yelp and pull it out. _COLD! But wait-_

"If you were trying to get hypothermia, why are you in your clothes?" Remus looks down at himself and mutters distractedly.

"I might need it to treat an open wound if we survive the impact" The quiet words, obviously not supposed to be overheard, cause Roman to blink. _A wound?_ "What?"

The chaotic Side starts and laughs. It sounds hollow. "Nothing! Just thinking that I shouldn't swim in my best suit!" He starts to walk out of the lake, not looking at Roman. "And since you won't join me in freezing to death, I guess I will find my fun elsewhere-"

"Remus, what's wrong?" If Roman wasn't sure before, the way his brother freezes then refuses to meet his eyes makes it clear. Now closer to his twin, he can see dark circles that rival Virgil's. If you ignore the smile still plastered on his face, his entire body screams "barely holding it together". Or, it does to Roman.

"Look at you being nosy. What, want to spend some quality time together, bro? Dive in some garbage, bathe in blood, etcetera-"

"Sure, if you will also tell me what is wrong." Roman's prompt reply seems to leave his twin speechless, but he means every word. _Something is bothering him, and I'll be damned if I leave him alone!_

Remus sighs, and the smile finally drops. "It's nothing I haven't dealt with before-" Roman cuts him off, going to stand next to him. "Then there should be no problem telling me about it!"

When he still hesitates, Roman pulls his twin into a hug. He normally doesn't show affection to Remus, but he has noticed that the Dark Sides always hug each other when someone looks upset. _And why hadn't I thought of doing it before? What type of brother does that make me?_

There is a second where the chaotic Side is a statue in his arms, before he leans completely into Roman. A stumbling step backwards that allows him to catch his balance was the only thing between the creative Sides and another dunk in the freezing lake. Water starts soaking through his clothes from the contact with the soaked Side, but it is worth it when Remus speaks.

"So you know how Thomas had a 'fun' moment today?" Roman blinks a little surprised. "You mean when he saved that dog from being run over? He showed true bravery needed to be a hero!" It was a tense moment, sure, but he is not sure how it relates to intrusive thoughts. Virgil of course freaked out about the situation, but what did it matter to Remus-

Remus lets out another hollow laugh. "Is that what you got out of the whole thing? That-that's a really nice way to think about it, actually."

"…What did you get out of it?"

"Thoughts on what the dog would have looked like if the car hit it. What Thomas would have looked like if he got hit saving the dog. " A smile that is all broken edges "But of course Thomas doesn't want to focus on that, so I get to have a party by myself." A pause while Roman is still reeling. "Do you know how hard it is to knock yourself unconscious? It is like trying to bite through your lip, something in your brain makes it extremely hard to consciously exert enough force to do it-"

"You deal with this alone?!?" Roman interrupts, squeezing Remus tight _._

"Well, not normally, but Janus and Virgil are sleeping and there is no reason to wake them up for this-"

"That's true, since I am also awake. What do you normally do?" Because there is no way he is letting him go through thinking those thoughts alone. _Whatever he needs to get through this!_

Remus blinks at him, looking like it partly from surprise and partly from fatigue. "Well…I normally just start talking about things and they listen and sometimes add comments…" Roman thinks on this. He knows he doesn't have the same tolerance for his twin's ideas as the other Dark Sides, but maybe he can change it a little -

"How about this, you give out a thought and I will tell you how I see it. Since we seem to view the same incident today in completely different lights?" Roman offers, and Remus shrugs.

So they walked over to lean on a tree and talked, never dropping the hug. The topics seem random to Roman; Topics like the awful deaths in war - the brave people who fight to protect their families from oppression. Like starvation in poorer countries - the steps charities and world organizations have made to end world hunger. Like child abuse in the catholic church - heroic men and women that fought and achieved change within the religion and the laws to stop it from happening again.

Each subject was not something Roman was comfortable with, but it was unbearable to think of only seeing the awful side. He can't imagine staying sane if he were Remus. _Is this what he is dealing with while I make dreams of happily ever after? And he didn't tell me? No more!_

Thankfully, with each viewpoint he gave in retort, Remus relaxed a little bit more. Finally, he drifted to sleep, pulled close to his brother by the constant hug. There was no way he was going to wake his brother up, so Roman shifts until he is a little more comfortable and watches over the chaotic Side while he slept. _He has endured enough today._

\----

Remus woke up slowly, blinking at the lake in front of him. He didn't remember going to sleep, just listening to Roman make all the thoughts not as awful as they were before. He must have drifted and got left because it definitely been a while-

He starts when he realizes that an arm is still around his shoulders, causing him to quickly look over and see Roman sleeping beside him. Unfortunately, his jerky motion wakes up his brother, who sits up to stretch.

"Morning, Remus. What time is it?" Remus looks over at his phone and blinks.

"It's almost noon…When did I go to sleep?" Roman seems to think about it some, before shrugging.

"It must have been around five or so? But we better head out or we are going to miss lunch. You don't want Patton's sad eyes following you around for a day, do you?" Roman flashes a grin then heads in the direction of his door. When he realizes that Remus isn't following, he glances over his shoulder. "You coming?"

Remus shakes himself out of the realization that he had slept for AT LEAST SIX HOURS with NO PROBLEMS, and gets up to follow. The entire way, he tries to figure out how to let Roman know how much what he did helped. And how much he appreciates him listening, when he knows the thoughts weren't something Roman enjoys contemplating. But his brother did it anyway, to help him. What could possibly encompass how much Roman being there for him means- _Oh, yeah._

Before they leave the Imagination, Remus speaks up. "Hey Roman?"

"Yeah?"

"You really saved me last night. You are my hero, bro."

The beaming smile he got in response lets Remus know that he message was received. _Good, he deserves it. Best brother ever!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK, ROMAN NEVER REALLY GOT TO BE A HERO, SO HERE IT IS!


	12. Serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sides have a chat with Logan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had this story with all the Sides being able to have a calm discussion about their frustration in Logan... and then I remembered who I was writing about. So this is what I got instead!

"Are you being serious?" Remus yells. They have been arguing in the kitchen for the last hour. It started with a simple request to watch a new scary movie and had devolved into insanity. Not that this surprised him.

"Of course I am, I have a necktie." Logan gestures to that FUCKING EVERPRESENT NECKTIE that he uses as an EXCUSE to be PEDANTIC! It is the last straw for the chaotic Side.

"Go have a gangbang with a field of cactuses, Logan. Oh wait, you would need to PULL THAT STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS FIRST!"

"The plural of cactus is cacti-"

"AAAARGH!" Remus turns and storms to his room. "Stupid Logan. Who does he think he is vetoing my horror movie night idea? Just because it might keep Thomas up and 'ruin his sleep' or whatever. How many times has he kept Thomas up to stay on schedule?!?" Remus conjures a ceramic vase full of blood only to chuck it against his wall. The splatter and subsequent drip stains on the wall calm him for a second…

"And always using his necktie against us? What the hell is up with that? Just because he wears one automatically makes him serious? Well I can be serious then, too!" Remus conjures a pile of neckties with all sorts of patterns on them. He starts to go through and find his favorite. "Gotta keep a dickbutt one. And this picture of the first twin tower being hit is great. Oh, look at the realistic organs on this one!"

One by one he adds more ties on himself; three around his neck, one on each ear, and he was just putting one per bicep when he hears his door open. He swings around to see Janus standing in the doorway, surveying the blood, broken vase, pile of neckties, and Remus's attire. An eyebrow is slowly raised and a smirk appears on his face.

"You better NOT have a classier few for me!"

\----

Janus had been in his room when he first heard raised voices. Thinking it was just Logan and Roman arguing again, he did not pay any attention to it. But as the words "gangbang" and "stick out of your ass" made it to his room, he realized that he had assumed the wrong brother. _Who is he arguing with?_

Janus poked his head out of his room just in time to see Remus's door slam closed. He quickly makes his way to the stairs and tries to see who is down there. Once in the common room, he doesn't see any Sides, so he runs over to the kitchen. Logan is rigidly making himself some sort of healthy snack. _Ah, so it WAS Logan that had been the other Side in the argument!_

"Salutati-"

"Don't care. What did you argue about in five words or less!" Janus interrupts, knowing he needs to get upstairs fast. Logan blinks then replies "Remus wanted scary videos. No."

"And this is how it ended? With Remus screaming in his room? But that is NOT fine. You will see what happens when piss off one of us this much." Janus yells as he quickly heads to the chaotic Side's door. _This could get really bad-_

He opens the door to see smashed things and blood on the walls - _all expected_ \- only to pause on the pile of neckties in the room and Remus wearing about seven of them. His eyebrow raises as he takes in the scene.

- _or this could get really amazing!_ A smirk blooms on his face as an idea takes place.

"You better NOT have a classier few for me!"

\----

Virgil is listening to some music while quilting when he hears the ping from someone gabbing his door handle. _That is still really handy, even when I am not hiding two other Sides in my room!_

The door bursts open with Janus strutting in, in his villain outfit. _Oh shit, he is on the warpath._ Since the Dad Side did not immediately started in on him, he at least knows he is the not victim. _Who in their right mind would piss him off this much-_

Remus walks in behind Janus wearing … a lot of pretty crazy neckties. Virgil quickly looks back at Janus only to then see one black and one yellow necktie peaking out from beneath his cape. _Okay, the picture is starting to become clear… but what the hell could Logan have said for this-_

Janus meets Virgil's eyes and says "He won an argument by pissing of Remus until he left instead of real arguments." _Ooooh, I hate that!_

"I'm in."

\----

Roman is reading over a script for one of Thomas's upcoming auditions when there is a knock on his door. "Come in!" he says absently, not looking up to see who came in.

"Well, hello Roman. We have a little … idea that we want to run by you." At the sound of Janus's villain voice, he quickly looks up to see -

"Uh, what is going on?" Janus's outfit is expected, sans the two neckties, but Remus and Virgil look… interesting. It had been a while since he saw his brother wear his shiny black top and green slash - _he always said it was a bitch to get the juices off of it, and I refuse to ask any further_ \- but the seven(?) neckties were new and disturbing.

Virgil, on the other hand, had a the necktie from the courtroom video on, but also a spider patterned one wrapped around his head Rambo-style. He had lowered his shadows to look like black stripes at the top of his cheekbones. _He looks either really drunk or about to go to war…_

"It has come to our attention that Logan likes to use his wardrobe as an excuse to claim superiority on other Sides-" Janus starts his monologue, but Roman is catching on fast. And he is delighted.

"Say no more, Terror Trio. I am in on one condition!" He beams at the others and starts thinking about what EXACTLY he wants. "I get to make my own necktie!"

\----

Patton makes his way to the kitchen. He thought he had heard yelling before, so he let there be some time for everyone to cool off before he investigated. However, when he gets there, no one is left. _Oh well, I can go have a chat with everyone after dinner and make sure they are okay._

Looking at the clock, he realizes that it is close to his normal time in making dinner, so he starts prepping. Humming to himself, he dices the bell peppers and onions. _Nothing like a nice comforting chilli for everyone!_

Patton hears someone come into the kitchen and calls out a greeting as he turns around. "Well high there kiddo…s?" Roman is posing in the doorway with his full costume on and a… very large red glittery necktie on with his logo in the middle of it. Remus is posing next to him in his similar costume and a bunch of VERY DISTURBING-

Patton quickly looks over to see Janus in his villain costume and some neckties as well. Virgil is next to him with a necktie on his head, and his courtroom outfit on. _…Is this a mega episode of Roman's and Janus's arguments?_

"Hello Patton!" Roman replies before grinning widely and holding up a necktie with adorable puppies and kittens on it. "Do you want to wear some neckties with us?"

EEEEEEEE!

\----

Logan arrives at the kitchen in time for dinner, still a little unsettled by the argument earlier. _No one else is going to vote for a horror thriller movie, so why does Remus even want to bring it up? It is impractical! And to become so emotional-_

"Heya Logan! Ready for dinner?"

"Saluta-" He freezes as soon as he looks up to see all the other Sides. All of them are wearing neckties. Janus and Virgil are wearing two, though Virgil's second one is on improperly. _They are not meant for the head!_ Patton seems to have taken his inspiration from Virgil, because he has two on his head looking like rabbit ears. _And they are covered in cats and dogs. Why not rabbits so the placement would be topical?_ Remus is covered with them - _Why would anyone want to wear seven neckties at the same time_ \- and as much as it hurts him to admit it, Roman is the only one wearing his completely correctly. _If only it wasn't so ostentatious! Are there LED lights flashing in it?_

"I am unsure what is going on here?" Logan prompts the other Sides, who seemed to be waiting for a reaction from him. Patton giggles, and the other Sides smirk. _So this is intentional._

"We DON'T know what you are talking about, Logan. We all just wanted to NOT be more serious than you!" It takes him a minute to process this. _Hard emphasis on two of the words... Invert them... They think they are more serious than me?_ Surprise hits Logan and he replies.

"Of course you are not more serious than me. See the-" He freezes in the middle of pointing to his necktie, just as the other Sides all point to one of theirs.

"NECKTIE!" The other Sides yell at once, leaving him speechless without his normal retort. _But, they are not more serious! Four out of five are wearing it improperly!_

"Most of you aren't wearing them right-" he tries, only to be interrupted by the chaotic Side.

"You have never said that you have to wear the necktie correctly in order for it to make you serious. And I think since I am wearing the most that makes me the most serious. I also know big words too; Chemical castration."

"And even if it did, Specs, I am wearing mine appropriately! It is tied with a romantic Eldredge Tie knot which is complicated. Just like math, and all the other boring stuff you do-"

"Hey Logan! Bunny ears! Do you like them?"

"Yeah Logan. Are you going to tell Patton that he can't wear those neckties as bunny ears? He might actually cry if you do…" Logan glares at Virgil's suggestion. Considering he had forgotten how emotional Patton would get if he had continued to tell them that the inaccurate ones were ridiculous, he wants to defend himself. However, Janus is sitting back in his chair smirking at him. _He will be able to refute me if I deny that was what I planned to do. Theory they brought Patton into this… event just for that reason created._

The creative brothers are now arguing about which one has the best necktie, with the others egging them on - _though Patton may be obliviously encouraging both. That seems more probable_ \- when Logan finds his voice again. He can feel a headache start.

"B-But that doesn't make you-" Logan feels some panic that he is getting so emotional he starts to stutter. _That doesn't actually make you serious-_

"Serious? What are you saying? That what you wear doesn't change your mental ability?" Virgil snarks over the escalating fight between the twins. His words do catch the attention of the others, and Remus turns to Logan. _Back to being the center of whatever this is._

"Yeah, Logan. That would mean you would have to back up your arguments with reasons instead of pointing to your neck. And we all know that you don't want to do that!" As he registers the chaotic Sides words - _If this is about our argument this morning, why are the others involved?_ \- when Patton starts to frown.

"Now, kiddo. Let's not be mean. Just because Logan likes to point out his tie in discussions-"

"In leiu of an argument!" Roman interjects, only to look away when Patton turns his frown on him.

"-that doesn't mean you make fun of him about it." 

Logan is starting to realize that all the Sides are accusing him of using his necktie in arguments. _That is excessive. Over the last month of arguments, I have only mentioned it… 57 percent of the time… Which almost rivals the amount of conversations Roman brings up any of his clothes in arguments - 63 percent._ A dawning horror flashes through him, to mention a single item of clothing more than the - _extremely vain_ \- Roman mentions any single item - _his sash is only at 35 percent!_

"Oh, I TOTALLY think the way Remus worded his complaint is more important than the content Patton." Janus growls at Patton, and they start arguing about content versus wording before Logan has a chance to respond. Roman and Remus have both gone back to their argument, so Logan looks over at the anxious Side. He watching the chaos unfold with a frazzled expression - _I could have told him that an intervention including all the Sides would be unlikely to work unless the reason is extremely serious_ \- when he seems to feel Logan's gaze.

"Please tell me that you get acting like wearing a necktie is an excuse for you arguments to be correct is bad. Because I think this is about to escalate." Logan is glad that at least one Side is still calm enough to talk about this. _Though not for long; body language indicates rising tension._ He reviews his recent revelation, then replies, ignoring the other discussions still going on.

"Quality is better than quantity!" "Oh, yeah? Because it looks like you are compensating for something!" "How dare you! I challenge you to a duel!" "Gladly, Sir Farquaad!" "You Ogre!"

"While I do not fully agree that I use my necktie as a substitution for a logical reason, I have realize that I am a close second to Roman bringing up my clothing in an argument."

"Yikes! That is pretty bad, Logan!" 

"I am just saying that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar!" "That actually has been debunked for normal fruit flies, Patton. Vinegar is better! So in that case Remus should have called him an asshole as well-" "Language" "I'm NOT speaking English!"

"So I am willing to work on" a quick flip through his index cards " 'toning down' mentioning the necktie when anyone asks if I am being serious. And I will try to explain my arguments more instead."

"Really bro, you are going with that boring katana? How about a little variety in your life?" "My katana has proven its worth, so it will suffice to show you the superiority of my necktie!" "Bring it on, bitch!"

"Great! Because you will get more logical arguments out of us if you stop doing things that piss us off. Think about that. Less yelling emotional stuff and more yelling logical stuff!" _I… had not thought about that. I need to find out if there are other things I can avoid saying in order to have much less emotional conversations._ The thought intrigues him, just like he knows Virgil wanted it to. "I will definitely make a note of it, then. More logical arguments are an important goal."

"Wow, you are saying a lot of strong things… how about we have some cookies to calm down?" "I DO want to stop in the middle of an argument to eat cookies-" "Great! I have chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin!" "No! I don't want to stop- wait is that even a choice? Are those the only two cookies you know how to make? That is NOT blasphemy!"

"Okay, good! So now we only have one question left. Do you want to stop Roman from cutting his brother with his sword while Remus fights back with … a… I think that is a metal pool noodle? Yep, he just spat blood through the center right on Roman's face. Or do you want to hold Janus back from strangling Patton while stopping the happy Side from choking him with too many cookies? I think those are the last of the cookies, too." Logan smirks at the frazzled anxious Side. _No reason not to use this against them as they did me._

"All of those things would be something a very serious person would do. And since you are wearing more neckties-" Logan quickly walks out of kitchen to Virgil's frantic calling behind him. _There is only a 6 percent chance they will do permanent damage to either each other or the kitchen. And with Virgil there, it is impossible that he will allow any of them to kill each other._ He pulls out his notebook. _Now I need to review all the times the other Sides lost their temper to see if there are other behaviors I can experiment with for better conversations!_

\----

*EXTRA* - an hour later, all five Sides still in the kitchen are disheveled but alive.

"And that is NOT how you make snickerdoodles! Now your baking knowledge has been SHRUNK!"

"Oh wow, thanks Janus! They look great! I can't wait to bake some myself!"

"I call dibs on, like, eight of them! They are my favorite, and after breaking up all of you I deserve it!"

"I didn't know that you liked snickerdoodles , Gloomy McGloomface!"

"Cinnamon is NOT a popular flavor. You WON'T have to watch out for - **Remus! Get back here with that plate!"**

"All the bark cookies for me! It's like biting a tree!!"

\----

*ALTERNATE EXTRA* - an hour later, all five Sides still in the kitchen are disheveled but alive, quietly eating dinner.

"… So, everyone else also DIDN'T like wearing the neckties?"

"How could you not love wearing mine? It is the most fabulous!"

"Yeah! Bunny ears are fun!"

"…I even got to use my shadows to help with the look…"

"I could do some kinky shit with all these neckties!"

"And we are TOTALLY going to admit this to Logan, right?"

"I refuse to give him the satisfaction!"

"Only in pun format, kiddo!"

"Yeah, that sounds like it would make him even worse about the whole thing."

"My lips are sown up!"

"Damn it Remus, some of us ARE done eating! Put the needle down!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be the last story for a while.
> 
> Also let me know which extra you liked best!

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no schedule for this. I just have a few of these sitting in my story document, so I thought that I should probably put it up here as well. If I think of more I will add them. Hope you like!


End file.
